I'll never understand how anyone or I myself manage to reprogram my mind to stop telling myself what I'd rather hear and start admitting what I need to say, do, or accept. I think it's a skill acquired when you're really growing up - after the threshold of independence has been crossed miles further. You really put things into perspective, especially when you're not depending on someone else for support or using another person as your own emotional crutch.
At least the sober clarity and free mind of not being in a relationship has helped me weigh the pro's and con's regarding my future with someone. She seems like the real breath of fresh air anyone could ask for. Honest, genuine, sweet, caring, humanistic, optimistic, artistic, empathetic, adventurous. Everything I could ask for. Eight hours north and a huge dent in Venable time is a problem. Baby steps though. The right one will always be there, I tell myself.
I also tell myself and people who ask that I'm over what happened with you, and that I couldn't be happier that we're friends again despite how busy you always are. Doesn't change the fact that I'll always be jealous of him, and for that, I'll never forgive myself for not being good enough.
And in that aspect, I will always be bitter.
